judgmental, judgemental [dʒʌdʒˈmɛntəl]
adj
of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made.
i have lived in jackson, mississippi since january 2009. i moved here for many reasons: i had to get out of california. my life was complete disaster. i broke up with my first love (which i am finally ok with), my father being very abusive put me through hell, and california itself was a mess-no money, no jobs, universities were closing the admissions process. i also felt that my mother and i were going through a rough patch as well-which truly needed healing because she is a person that i feel is non-judgmental. somebody that i can tell anything too, and i would not feel ashamed. moving to mississippi fixed most things instantly, my mother and i worked out our differences, my brother and i are closer than ever, i have been able to save money and travel. my emotional health is back on track. i have been able to focus more on me and the things important to me, like my meditation, my art, my health, and traveling.
unfortunately, with all the positive there are a few negatives.
i have not met one single person here that is on the same consciousness level as me, not one single person that understands me, or accepts who i am completely. i feel that everyday i have to take on the world with fists up. i do my best most days to stay positive and on top of the game. i find that if i stay positive its much easier to face each new day. i am truly happy to be alive and once again get the opportunity to do all the things i am doing in life. i went to mexico this past summer, and for the first time in many months finally felt like people understood me and i did not even have to say a word. we were all on the same wave length. people did not question my beliefs but were more fascinated and interested, as i were to them. i find that most of the people here in mississippi are extreme hypocrites. they preach about being christian, and loving the bible, yet everyday they are judging me for my differences and most are cruel about it. most make me feel like i am a piece of shit and worthless just because i am not a christian. they know nothing about who i am. i have found that the few people i have met here that i have accepted into my life are just as judgmental. i make a mistake and i am punished. this is who i am, and i am not going to change for anyone. yes, i am growing and learning from my mistakes, but that is up to me to judge myself--not you. i create my destiny, you do not. i am going to continue to be happy, but i am looking forward to getting out of this place very soon and being in a place where judging others is not an option. i will find like-minded people on my journey through europe, & this adventure that i am on (life) will be a beautiful beautiful thing. im ready for it all.
i hope i've never made you feel that way and i'm a christian. additionally, some of us might be pushy at times, but at least we don't kill people over it (Islam). lastly, Christians often take a bad rap being call hypocrites because we strive to be perfect (as Christ was) but it is impossible for us. we strive to lead a sinless life, but all have sinned...and will continue to sin. so we're often thought hypocritical because we strive to attain an unattainable ideal. i hate that some Christians have made you feel worthless...that is a terrible shame. much love ashley. -andrew
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley. It's a shame that you seem to have gained so much from your move on one hand and suffered on the other. My ex moved to Illinois (from UK) and he feels that people there are likewise narrowminded. Everything is seen as either black or white/right or wrong and there is no room for individuality. He was arrested for being 'belligerent' when he first moved there because he questioned authority. He says that America is not the 'land of the free' as this is only true if you conform (and have cash!!! He too is thinking of leaving. I believe that a lot of the problem is that people tend not to travel outside of their own areas over there and, as such, know nothing different. You have experienced life outside of the USA and that in itself makes you 'different'. Unfortunately throughout history those that are different or not understood have been persecuted......... quite often by Christians who have shed more than their fair share of blood in the name of religion.
ReplyDeleteStaying positive and maintaining your self belief will get you through this Ashley. You have a fantasctic future ahead of you...ENJOY :-) Christine
Nothing to apologise for Bhagavan! Keep them coming and know that we must act on the forces which compel us... even when they are a little darker and more shaded than our usual brightly light selves. The force does move in mysterious ways. Suppose it's me today that needs to share the love and knowledge we both search for so desperately, continually, relentlessly. love yourself it's the root of shining brightest in the darkest hours.
ReplyDeleteOnly love for you Ash! you are in my meditation and my warm hands wrapped around your heart.
namaste
I love you Ash, I am also a Christian, we (you and I, all of us) are His children. He loves you, He loves me. We are all on a journey, I am, you are too, you know this, you will be just fine. Don't let this day bring you down. Love love love. And light light light.
ReplyDeleteGosh that's awful. I hope you understand that not ALL Christians are horrible people. I'm a Christian, and I was taught to love one another, no matter what. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts, religions, and beliefs. The judgmental people are the worst. They can be so incredibly hurtful (I've been there - with my own youth pastor and his hateful wife). It's so funny because the Bible actually says that the tongue is sharper than a double-edged sword...yet some Christians still use theirs as a weapon. I don't think I'll ever understand that. It's hard to ignore hurtful people. It always is. All you can do is love them. And pray for them.
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