desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-Max Ehrmann, 1920

judgmental people

judgmental, judgemental [dʒʌdʒˈmɛnt^əl]

adj

of or denoting an attitude in which judgments about other people's conduct are made.

i have lived in jackson, mississippi since january 2009. i moved here for many reasons: i had to get out of california. my life was complete disaster. i broke up with my first love (which i am finally ok with), my father being very abusive put me through hell, and california itself was a mess-no money, no jobs, universities were closing the admissions process. i also felt that my mother and i were going through a rough patch as well-which truly needed healing because she is a person that i feel is non-judgmental. somebody that i can tell anything too, and i would not feel ashamed. moving to mississippi fixed most things instantly, my mother and i worked out our differences, my brother and i are closer than ever, i have been able to save money and travel. my emotional health is back on track. i have been able to focus more on me and the things important to me, like my meditation, my art, my health, and traveling.

unfortunately, with all the positive there are a few negatives.

i have not met one single person here that is on the same consciousness level as me, not one single person that understands me, or accepts who i am completely. i feel that everyday i have to take on the world with fists up. i do my best most days to stay positive and on top of the game. i find that if i stay positive its much easier to face each new day. i am truly happy to be alive and once again get the opportunity to do all the things i am doing in life. i went to mexico this past summer, and for the first time in many months finally felt like people understood me and i did not even have to say a word. we were all on the same wave length. people did not question my beliefs but were more fascinated and interested, as i were to them. i find that most of the people here in mississippi are extreme hypocrites. they preach about being christian, and loving the bible, yet everyday they are judging me for my differences and most are cruel about it. most make me feel like i am a piece of shit and worthless just because i am not a christian. they know nothing about who i am. i have found that the few people i have met here that i have accepted into my life are just as judgmental. i make a mistake and i am punished. this is who i am, and i am not going to change for anyone. yes, i am growing and learning from my mistakes, but that is up to me to judge myself--not you. i create my destiny, you do not. i am going to continue to be happy, but i am looking forward to getting out of this place very soon and being in a place where judging others is not an option. i will find like-minded people on my journey through europe, & this adventure that i am on (life) will be a beautiful beautiful thing. im ready for it all.

extra long week/weekend

its only thursday--

this week has felt like a month. monday literally feels like weeks ago, why is time moving so slow? is it because i am eager to go on my trip? i need to remember that i only have 8 weeks remaining in mississippi--with my mom and brother for a long, long (possibly permanent) adventure through europe, asia, to australia (where i will be starting grad school in february 2011). i need to remember to live in the moment-enjoy my time now, because the next thing i know i will be on my plane to madrid, and i dont want to regret not spending more time with my family. i still have much to do in preparation for my trip-need to buy a backpack, some travel undies, a hula-hoop, i need to apply for visas, and email all the people i will be staying with-and create an itinerary for the first month in europe. i also need to finish fixing up my car, and then sell it. lots to do, and not very much time, unless time continues to move this slowly. well, i have lots of plans for the upcoming weekend--tonight i got cut at work, but have to go back for a meeting/menu test at ten. then i work morning till noon tomorrow at drip, then 6-close at mellow, and then gotta meet up in fondren to make some street art. saturday: celtic fest, work, hal & mals, sunday--sleep sleep sleep & make some art. now that i am looking at my upcoming weekend, i am pretty excited. sounds like a fun, chill goodtime. cant wait. life is brillant--so happy to be alive & part of it all.

namaste.

you are what you eat

to some people i have a very complicated, odd diet. i find what i eat to be very simple, cause it is exactly that-- no animal products (except for honey), no gluten, and mostly all raw and organic. i avoid foods that are packaged or have any preservatives or ingredients that are foreign. Basically, i eat the way we are suppose to eat. Lots of fresh produce, without all the processing that is done here in the states. i do not consume any pharmaceutical drugs/antibodies. i dont believe in vaccines. our bodies are quite powerful and can adapt to most things. i care about what goes in my body and i appreciate all it has done for me-- i have perfect vision, perfect hearing and smell. i can walk, run, swim, talk, shout, & sing! my body even has the power to create another human being! its pretty miraculous. my body is so good to me--so i want to return the favor by being good to it. giving it alllll the good things in life. my body thanks me with good health & happy, positive vibrations from my toes to my skull.

looking back

its really weird to look back & re-read some of the blog entries i had back in late 2009/early 2010. i went through a very strange time in my life. i had no idea what to do next. i was struggling to let go of my first love--i never thought it would be so difficult. it took me well over a year to move on, and let go. i spent many months meditating and detaching-and learning how to love myself. treating myself to all the good things-like fresh organic meals, traveling, and exercising everyday. i began focusing on me instead of dwelling on the future and whether i would be alone forever or not. i wont be alone, ever because i love myself. i love all of which i am. i feel healthy & my consciousness has made a GREAT shift in the past 6 months-i feel that i can do anything and nothing is going to stop me (except myself, if i choose to). i am so happy, so very very happy. actually, this is the happiest that i have been in years and years. somedays i have moments (sometimes as short as 10 seconds) when i just smile & inhale in the beauty of the day, each moment passing is such a miracle. and i am so happy to be alive and part of all of it.

its been a while.. but i think im ready to start blogging again.

hello blogworld.

i have decided to start blogging again.

i always enjoy reading all my friends/family updates,

so i figured maybe someone will enjoy mine,

& if not, i will enjoy it all to myself. =)

i leave for my trip in 8 weeks, 6 days.

eeeeek!

i will keep you updated weekly on my progress preparing for the trip

& while i am on my journey. cant wait!

ciao