be here now. [the states]

It has been a little over a year since my return to the United States last April. Although I was born in this country and I believe it was for a very meaningful reason, I am now questioning my purpose here. I am certainly trying to find my place, where I belong in this country—I have traveled and moved all over the nation, yet still it is not fulfilling. Please don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed living in Jackson, Orange County, and currently Denver. It is all part of the journey and growth, yet deep down I do not feel fulfilled. I do not feel as though I belong. I do not feel entirely settled. When I think back at the happiest moments in my life they are not in the United States, they are always abroad. My happiest moments have been in Mexico, Thailand and Guatemala.

Recently I have been questioning my citizenship. Questioning whether I should pick up and leave the country again, regain that bliss. Or maybe it is just the travel that keeps me content—maybe the adventure, the people, and spontaneity of it all.  Maybe having less is better, I prefer living out of my backpack than having heaps of shit to fill my apartment. Life is easier when it is simpler.  I feel more satisfied having minimal things, yet having more time in my life to further my creativity and healing. 

I am certainly getting to know myself better with each passing day. I have embraced my Saturn return and stepping into my adult life. I know who I am, where I come from, what I want and I am currently learning how to conquer these goals. I am fully embracing manifestation.   I am creating the world in which I live entirely on my own. What I want, I receive. What I send out, I regain. I am enjoying life, enjoying each moment that I am in, yet ultimately when I look to my future I do not see a very gratifying life here. I would much rather have a hammock as a bed, minimal possessions and living off the land. I would much rather search out my own water and food, then pay ridiculous amounts of money on processed, unknown ingredients. I want pura vida. 

This has been a fascinating homecoming year, I now know what is out there and with the continuous jerking of our perceptions and shifting between dimensions, I have been on a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Right now I feel content, ten minutes from now I may be spiraling into depression, then one hour from now feel happy again. I am doing everything in my power to stay aware and conscious of these feelings, but sometimes my emotions and hormones take full control of the wheel. It can sometimes take days to regain contentment. There are days when I do not feel in control of my life. Some days, I actually considering quitting. Yet, I am always able to bounce back, I gain answers in my dreams that transport me back to my reality.

I am here, I am a conscious being. I am a warrior of light and love. And I am here to shine that light. I am feeling quite claustrophobic here, but I am here now, so there is still purpose. When the right timing comes, I will be where I need to be. Yet, I must say my dreams are quite lovely. I am near the sea, feet in the sand, sun on my back. I am never far from the ocean in my dreams. Life is simple, life is happy. I am ready to be there, ready when the time is right.

ten weeks in the mile high city [update]

I will begin with stating my appreciation and gratitude towards the Universe and all the gifts and blessings that I have been given and experiences I have had since arriving in this mile high city.  I know I am exactly where I should be since I am here now.  I truly love my life at the moment, but I do know that I am not living to my full potential. I am just kind of settling at the moment, yet Denver is a nice place to settle. I have a great little apartment and an awesome job downtown.  Although I am having fun, I know deep down that Denver is not the long haul for me. I am a country girl, not a city girl. I know this about myself; so then why did I end up in Denver? Hmm, still not sure, I knew there were jobs here and opportunity for growth and education. And that is exactly what I am doing at the moment, learning and growing. Denver is temporary, but life is temporary. I am living in the moment, enjoying each moment that I am a part of. Yet, I do have wanderlust running through my veins. I am ready for my next adventure—ready to travel, ready to be free, with just the bare necessities. I am not really sure where my roots will be laid; I am still on the search. Colorado is a possibility (just outside the city); I also daydream about the northern California and Oregon coastline and the fresh air of Asheville, NC. My dreams even extend outside this country—I fantasize my business on a lush, warm beach down to Central America (Panama, or the likes).  Hmm, I still am unsure where my life is taking me, but that is the fun part—its all one huge adventure! I am hoping to spend the second half of the year outside the country, backpacking around the Middle East, and hopefully ending the year in Asia. Maybe that is where I will get stuck for a while, I definitely wouldn’t mind that. 

Life is beautiful. I am blessed. 

c o l o R A D o.

Six weeks, six full weeks in Colorado; yet it feels like forever (in a good way). I am beyond blissed out---and exactly where I need to be at this moment in time. I know this for sure because every thing has fallen in to place so absolutely perfectly for me. That was not exactly the case for getting to Colorado though—it was a rough start. Yet, at times, good things take effort—obstacles to overcome. At present time, I am all settled in—I have a sweet little apartment right in the heart of all the goodness, and less than one mile from my super astounding job. Initially, I was unsure about my work place—being that it is Starbucks. I promised myself that I would never work for a major corporation again, never be part of the ‘man’. Yet, to my surprise, it is incredibly laid back and we are allowed to be individuals. All the girls that I work with are super sweet and caring. The job is easy and fun—and I am getting paid fairly well. I am really happy at work, and feeling incredibly blessed to have such a eminent job. In addition, it only takes me about seven minutes (via bike) to get to work in the morning. I am full time and Monday-Friday. So I have weekends all to myself.

 I am meeting such beautiful people and making wonderful friends.  Everyday I am in awe at how perfectly beautiful everything is turning out. My best friend (and ex-boyfriend), is also living in the city (and very soon will be my roommate). It has been nice to spend time with him—and have a little piece of my past currently in my present. On my free time (weekends), I have been spending my time and money on live music and art. It has been such a treat for me---I love live music and dance parties! My spiritual and physical body have been radiating, I am super happy and excited for every moment of now. I am also looking forward to all the upcoming events for the year: next week I start my herbalist program, I am going to start vending and making art and tinctures for sale, also—a Colorado summer! Stoked! Then, Burning Man, followed by a potential trip to Egypt! All is lovely and entirely too flawless. I am blessed and happy to be Ashley Marie Gonzalez, happy to be in my skin, happy to be on Earth. Thank you all for sharing this time with me here.

Reading with Carol Parks: 1/18/13

Carol Parks, her name came up in conversation several times---so I took it upon myself to meet the woman that was so highly spoken of. In my opinion, all her reviews were true. Carol Parks was absolutely astonishing and entirely on point. Her guide, Noah, instantaneously answered the questions that I had as soon as they were leaving my lips.  Overall, this reading just gave me the confirmation that I desperately was seeking.

Before the reading I created a small graph titled 2013. I listed the questions that I had: COLORADO/SOLOMON/TRUE LOVE/HERBALISM/OVER SEAS TRAVEL /YOGA/MY BROTHER/& EARTH CHANGES.  Basically these were all the things that I wanted to fully understand. I began the session explaining my (spontaneous) decision to move to Colorado, practically over night; and second, my recent split with Solomon, yet I wanted to understand why I was so connected to him.

Straight away, she began speaking about my relationship with Sol. She explained our past life agreement, and that it was unfilled, so it was very necessary that it be filled in this lifetime. Meaning, Solomon will always be in my life and I will always be in his. We need each other, yet not necessarily romantically.

Next, my move to Colorado—hmm, it was not positive, yet not negative either. It was more of… it’s a stepping-stone for what is next to come; but not really where I belong or will be for very long. It is, however, a place where I can learn: more nature healing (herbalism, etc). Traveling abroad would be best for me. And my personal energy resonates best with Thailand, she believes.

I pulled two cards during the reading: the first being ‘The World’ ---which yes, so me! No need for explanation. Second, I pulled the Magician card—which addressed the question of true love. She said when I meet the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, that it will be PURE MAGIC. I will know from the moment I meet him—which is due to take place late 2013, early 2014—exciting!

We spoke about confidence and self-esteem—and her guide, Noah, kept asking why I did not have the amount of confidence that I should. He asked her why... over and over again. They were both very confused why i didnt have heaps more self-esteem. They both said that there was nothing wrong with me—that I was beautiful inside and out, --I have not carried over any negativity from past lives and I am free in this lifetime (besides my karmic connection with Solomon) and had absolutely no reason to lack confidence—I am radiating with love.  And to always remember that.

The topic that was addressed time after time was YOGA. She mentioned it before I had the chance to; she said that is my calling. I NEED to teach. She reiterated that several times to me throughout the reading.

Many other topics were addressed—true love, my relationship with my brother and his life and Earth changes. All which were very enlightening.

Overall, I am feeling extremely confident in my future plans and dreams. I am looking forward for what is to come. Yippppppppieeeee!

Manifestation: two thousand and thirteen

One week ago—I was in a place of complete darkness. I truly feared being so far from the Light that I would not be able to escape the darkness, yet now as I write this I smirk from ear to ear.  I woke up on Thursday and realized life IS worth living. This (now) is the only time we get to enjoy all these Earthly pleasures and delights. Life is far too perfect, far too magical. How did I ever let myself slip into such a funk? I suppose it was needed in order to be reminded that I AM the creator of my destiny. I chose to be sad and push away the Light. I wanted darkness and I GOT IT! Just as fast as I wanted darkness and received it—I wanted the Light again—and got it! It was that simple. I am now beaming, radiant, joyous. Back to the norm.

With that being said, I AM THE CREATOR. I MANIFEST MY DESTINY, MY FUTURE.

I am a strong believer in manifestation and positive intent, so I spent the weekend reflecting on how I imagine this year to be- this new, fresh, inspiring year: At the end of this month I am going to journey (via my auto) through Austin, Pheonix, and Los Angeles. Then heading through Colorado and up to Denver with Marshall (my brotha from another motha). We plan to find a house for rent slightly outside the city—one with a great big back yard for his great dane and our future food garden. Another manifestation is a job either/or teaching yoga and working in a health food shop (preferably in the supplements department). Or basically anything geared around natural health. COLORADO IS GOING TO BE SOOO GOOD FOR MY SOUL—I CAN FEEL IT.

By summer, I WILL have enough money saved up to head south, past the border into Mexico. Lynlee, Peyton and I want to spend some of the Summer at the Shaman’s Festival. Then—well, the possibilities are endless. Either head back up to Colorado OR

Continue traveling South. I have really been considering starting my business this year, and have also been strongly considering starting it outside of the country. For those that do not know, I want to start a tea bar. Serving up some awesome elixirs and herbal teas for the soul along with coffee, possibly fresh juices, and vegan treats. I want the place to be a for healing, art, yoga and good vibes and energy. I am not quite sure where this place is going to be yet, but I will have to travel through Nicaragua, Costa Rica and Panama before I know for sure where I want to plant some roots.                         I am beyond excited. Two thousand and thirteeeeeeen! 

suicide: phasing out

I believe we have all made the cognizant and deliberate decision to come to Earth for various reasons: some may want to learn, experience, appreciate, understand and empathize; some for karmic reasons, and others are here as Light workers, guides and healers. We are all here for a reason; some may know their purpose, while others search their entire lives for reason. Conversely, I believe that we can leave here at any time we would like as well. Some leave via ‘accidents,’ others leave at ‘old’ age, and others deliberately phase out (commit suicide).

Over the past week I have considering death. I believe a gateway has opened up, an exit way for me to leave if I choose to.  It has been forceful to say the least, as if death is yearning for me. I have been trying to comprehend it, but cannot wrap my head around it. I am not a depressed person; I am not even an unhappy person. I am quite content and enjoying life. Yet, why do I have such a strong desire to leave? I have been dreaming of ‘going home’ every night. I have woken up every morning with different options of how I should do this—how I should leave without emotionally hurting anyone (or maybe it is their lesson to let go of my physical being).

I know why I am here on Earth, I know I am a Light worker—this is my purpose. And, I have been doing this all my life, since birth. I know my life till this exact moment has been very meaningful and purposeful, yet recently I have been feeling like I no longer enjoy these human emotions—I am exhausted watching human beings hurt one another, I am exhausted by hate, greed and selfishness. I am trying so hard to keep shining my light, but the negativity is suffocating me. Maybe I should just leave now while I am ahead, maybe my purpose is expired. I want to go home. Or is there more? Shall I stay a bit longer and find out? Or am I just being selfish and taking the easy way out?

Future Endeavors

I try not to ponder about it too much because the truth is, it hurts—my head spins around and around and back around again attempting to figure out where this dream situate is that I belong. Yet, I am dog-tired searching for it. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love traveling, meeting new people, eating new foods and learning new cultures. But I also love building a network (community), growing a garden and spending time with family and friends.  Deep in my heart I do know where it is that I belong, and it is not here in Mississippi, nor is it in California. It is most likely not even in the United States.

When in the United States, I do as the citizens: I wake up at the crack of dawn, drive my gas-guzzlin, anxiety-benevolent car to work, spend half my day at work where I overdose on caffeine and have a face not-so-happy people, then get off with enough time to eat and sleep, and do it all over again the next day. Hmph..

Although the above paragraph sounded slightly depressing, I manage to stay quite happy throughout my day, knowing that the Universe does everything for a reason, so I AM in the right place at the right time. Maybe my kindness will change someone else’s day, maybe their kindness will do the same for mine. Perhaps, maybe, possibly… there are numerous reasons why I am in Mississippi at this present moment, and only in the future will more of those reasons be exposed.

Nevertheless, I am ready to be more alive. I am ready to do what it is I was born to do. I want to live in a place where I am not woken up by an alarm clock, but by the warm rising sun. I don’t want to live life rushed. I want to embrace every moment, moment by moment. I want step out of my living space and into the sand, I want to be surrounded by ocean. I want swimming in the sea to be my daily bath, and breakfast to be fleshly picked off the trees and vines. I don’t want a lock on my front door, or have a car parked in the drive way, I want my evenings to be lit by the moon and candle light… I don’t want to have a bank account, a mobile phone or anything of the equivalent.

With that being said, I do want to work though. I want to have a purpose and reason for each day. I want to go out into the world and radiate my Light. Being on Earth means interacting with other humans, being a humanitarian is my call. There are various occupation choices I could take, yet I will not know what that is until I am there. There being a place where hammocks are tied off on every other tree, coconuts and papayas grow in abundance, the sun is always shining and where there never is that of a ‘bad’ day.

I want out of the system and off the grid.             That is what 2013 is about. 

the 2012 shift

As we rapidly progress towards the end of the year, there are many thoughts, feelings, fears, excitement, and so on taking place in the minds of most people. What is going to occur on December 21, 2012? Does anybody really know? There are many ideas, but we will not truly know until we are in the moment. I am not worried one bit, perhaps because I am so excited! How can there be any room for worry when I believe the planet is changing for the better. Everything I believe is extremely positive and exhilarating.

I have had people tell me that the world is going to end, that this is it—dooms day. And I do partially believe that is true. The world as we currently know it IS going to end as we shift into the next dimension. We are transitioning from the third dimension into the fourth dimension. The Mayan’s knew this information quite well, which is why they prophesized the end of time. We are approaching a new space-time dimension.

A dimensional shift is when a planet or any cosmic body moves from one dimensional level into another. It is going to be a very quick transformation. However it only proves the events of the world, which are currently taking place, are all part of the process and this should allow clarity of mind and heart about this transformation as we pass through it. Understanding the nature of the dimensional shift is a way to speed one’s spiritual growth and utilize the time we have left on this beautiful planet. And remember, this energy wave is so much bigger than you that you might as well surrender to life and just be.

I have read recently that scientifically the geomagnetic fields are very weak, which is also part of the shift. Therefore resulting in erratic behavior in people and our current civilization on the planet is breaking down. This phase can last up to 2 years or as little as 3 months. As our current civilization begins to dissolve, it becomes extremely dangerous just to be alive. Chaos rules. But not to worry—if you make it past this stage, then you are soon to be free. This is the final stage—it will not take long. Everything on life is going to drastically change all at once—and we will go through a void and then enter into the new reality. I am beginning to believe that we are already in this stage. We are already going through this 2-year phase—you can see it happening all around the world. Planet Earth is a mess! We must hit rock bottom before we can see the Light again.

Once the transition happens people will have the choice—they may or may not be up for this new world. You will be able to continue to live life from the normal human perspective—where the only reason for being alive is to become comfortable through material things or to gain control over other human beings through force—or realize that you can live a life filled with more potential—more joy, bliss and love. And the same way you were born here on Earth from a dark place into light, is the same way you will be birthed into a new reality.

In this new world we can manifest life just with positive intention, it will be a world made of pure Love and Light. The most important things in the 4^th dimension are: compassion, peace, humility, wisdom, unity, love and truth. We will be more connected with God and the Oneness—Yet we will still have our egos, still have our individual personalities. People will be vibrating at much higher frequencies, and with that we will be far more awake—far more knowledgeable and with fantastic health, making it nearly possible to be ill or continue with illness. People will give up their prescription drugs for herbs, and energy work will be much more prevalent. I believe this is already happening as well. Everyday I meet more and more people curious about diet, health, natural healing and energy healing and everyday I meet many natural healers, me being one as well. It’s so fantastic to see this happening right before my eyes. People are waking up, people are preparing for the shift, with or without consciously knowing it.

What I don’t believe is volcanoes erupting, hurricanes, and tornadoes—natural disasters destroying the Earth as we are leaving. But I do believe that energetically we will feel it. We will know that Earth just changed into something new.  I am ecstatic about this new dimension. It is going to be a beautiful transition.

In addition, the new children being birthed on Earth as we speak are part of the ‘Indigo’ children. They are new souls, coming from a new place. These children are much different than us. Science has even proved this to be true. Most children being born today have different DNA than us. They are stronger livers than us and are awake and conscious, have intense psychic abilities, and they have IQs at genius levels.  Also, another study has come out that these new babies are immune to the HIV virus. These children appear to have super heightened immune systems. They have been tested for numerous diseases; it is becoming clear that they very well may be disease resistant or even immune to many. Testing in this area is not yet conclusive.

With all that said, how can I be worried? I am only worried about our current state of existence. The suffering and turmoil going on is horrendous to witness. Luckily I know that it is part of this time. It is necessary and will be over shortly. And then we will be birthed into a new time full of love and happiness. Life here on Earth as we know it is ending—and I am so thrilled I can barely sit still! The beginning of a return trip straight back to God, as the truth unfolds and we gain the knowledge and wisdom to move from the third to fourth and beyond all the way Home.

Spiritual Body

I am staring at a blank page—not sure where to begin. How do I put into words something that is beyond the physical world? I will begin by explaining my spiritual background and how my life has progressively become what it is today.

I consider myself to be quite privileged in many ways. Most importantly though is my mother. It is remarkable since it was my choice to make her my mother—and I feel very secure in saying that I choose the right person for the job. Whether she is aware of it or not it was her (spiritual) influence that led me down the path I am now on. And although I feel she opened doors for me, I am thankful because never once was one of her beliefs ever pressured upon my brother or me. To be completely honest, she actually rarely shared her beliefs unless we were to ask. She also taught us very key elements on a physical level: we always ate healthy, balanced meals, when ill we were healed holistically, we partook in social and communal service, we were encouraged to play and exercise outdoors, we were taught how to recycle, we lived a very modest life; and education, knowledge and learning were top priorities.

I became interested in religion at a very young age, yet neither of my parents was religious which I also consider a privilege because this allowed me to explore my options. Any chance I got to go with a friend to their church I would take- being different religions from Christian/Catholic to Jehovah Witness to Mormon to Buddhist to Hindu to Orthodox, even down to Scientology. I experienced them all. Yet, none truly resonated with me. If anything, church made me extremely uncomfortable. I felt that you were always being judged—by the way you dressed, the way you sang, by the donation you gave and even by how holy you were. It did not make sense to me—so I completely dropped the entire idea of religion, and did so for many, many years. Yet, not once did I doubt the existence of God.

Then I found myself even more curious with what my mother believed in. Yet, some of the ideas my mom had seemed so far out to me when I was younger that I was not able to grasp them. But I was just not ready yet. Now, it’s interesting to look back and think all those silly things my mom was doing—well now I am doing the same. From her meditations, to her physic abilities, to her reiki, out of body experiences, and so on. These are things I am now doing. Yet it is my life now. This is what I live for.

To bring you up to current day—I have an extraordinary desire to learn every aspect of life (beyond the physical). I am fascinated with philosophy, history, art, alternative medicine, energy healing, Light body, metaphysical and esoteric studies, such as the chakra system, life in other dimensions, out of body experiences, astral travel, lucid dreaming, aura studies, kabala, tarot, astrology, kybalion, alchemy, the emerald tablet, sacred geometry, crystals, and so on. There is always something new I discover, something I have to further research and understand every detail of—it’s a never-ending job. Yet, since the day I dedicated myself to a full time spiritual life back in 2008, my life has continued to become more astonishing. I have entirely allowed my intuition to take the wheel and steer. I follow the energy and allow it to guide me to the next level of my being.

In doing so, I have traveled all over the world meeting incredible people and learning magnificent things about planet, the Universe and myself. Everyday is a learning experience. And some days I even have to question whether all of this is a dream—life has been pure magic.

With that said, the Universe has led me to Guatemala-where I currently am writing this blog. I have spent the last 4 weeks in San Marcos Las Piramides Meditation Center. Every experience is so different from the last. My time here has been astonishing and very much what I needed to validate some of my qualms. I was able to confront my dark side and release what was no longer necessary in my life. I was also able to ask questions and receive answers through channeling. I will briefly explain the answers I received on a physical/emotional/mental and spiritual level.

I will begin with my physical body: Archangel Khamael (the transformer)—which dispels the dark side of the human being and destroys the negative energy at this level. At this level of my being I have been blessed with sensitivity to the vibrations and energies all around us, also in the physical body I have been reminded that I have free-will, which results in self-control & understanding.

Next, my emotional body: Archangel Michael (the protector)-which defends and develops trust through clear thoughts, through reason and logic.  At this level of my being I have been blessed with unifying energy and unconditional love. Also at this level is where I meant to share (without expectations or rewards). This is where I provide my services from the heart.

Then, my mental body: Archangel Gabriel (the announcer)-which is the feminine aspect of nature and maternal instincts. At this level of my being I have been blessed with a powerful right brain, intuition and patience. Also, I have been given the gift of knowledge and passion for metaphysics and esoteric studies.

Lastly, my spiritual body: Archangel Tzaphkiel (the formator)-which is the mother of creation, the feminine aspect of God. At this level there is no division between God and us. Only Oneness. And in this lifetime, I have the opportunity to reach enlightenment, yet I must maintain a balance of God consciousness and my physical life on Earth. I have been given the gift (to become) an alternative practitioner. I should further my studies in Ancient traditional medicine, such as Ayurveda, Naturopathy, Acupuncture, or Homeopathy. This is my gift from Spirit to share with others.

My questions have all been addressed. I am feeling extremely positive about my current state of being, and am leaving here with an intensified will power and desire to learn. I know who I am, what I have come to do, and where I am going next—no more doubts and absolutely no more worries. I am on the right path; everything from here on out is absolutely perfect, and exactly as it should be.

Closer to Nature, closer to God

“Human beings and the natural world are on a collision course. Human activities inflict harsh and often irreversible damage on the environment and on critical resources. If not checked, many of our current practices put at serious risk the future that we wish for human society and the plant and animal kingdoms, and may so alter the living world that it will be unable to sustain life in the manner that we know.”

("World Scientists” Warning to Humanity, 1992)

There is an eccentric connotation that we (humans) are inferior to the plant world. Yet—we ingest her daily to stay healthy and alive. Nearly all foods that we consume are plant based, right?—That bowl of cereal you eat in the morning-plant, that apple you eat at break-plant, those beans and rice you eat at lunch-plants, that pizza you eat at dinner-(mostly) plant: crust-plant based, sauce-plant based, the toppings-plant based (minus the cheese, if you are cheese eater, or even the meat) but otherwise—we consume and digest so much of Mother Earth’s gifts. And how good are they? Not only do they taste incredible on our pallets, they also benefit our internal bodies and souls keeping us strong and healthy. Every time I consume food—I am beyond appreciative. At breakfast this morning while I was eating my papaya, I was in awe by its amazing taste and all its powerful healing qualities it has on my internal body. Papaya and all fruits, I believe, are way more powerful than us. They grow from the sun’s energy and have the ability to keep us humans free of disease. Without fruit –our bodies would be a wreck, same with vegetables, grains, legumes, seeds and nuts—POWER foods that give us energy to continue on our journey. All these edible plants and inedible plants all have SOULS and are able to communicate, feel and experience the same as us. 

If you listen, they will speak. I am starting to hear them more clearly. And they are suffering right now. Humans have done this to them. We have lost our connection to them—we have lost respect for them, we have been causing them pain. We feel we are separate from them, more powerful then them. Yet, they do not hold grudges or make judgment. Mother Nature is not giving up yet, but I believe if we do not start respecting her and listening, she will eventually fall ill and no longer be able to give us these wonderful gifts of pure health and happiness.

We have made a lot of mistakes all over the Earth because we do not have the consciousness to know how to live in harmony with our own body, Mother Earth. We have caused very severe damage to: Our Oceans (we cannot live without oceans. Plankton, which comes from the sea, and at the bottom of the food chain is needed for our survival—if they go, we go.), Ozone Layer (the chlorine monoxide is currently 500 times over normal—causing a skin-cancer epidemic), The Green House Ice Age (if we continue chopping down all the trees that absorb carbon dioxide, we will create another Ice Age), and Lastly, Underground Atomic Bombs and CFC’s (which dose not need much explanation). WAKE UP PEOPLE. Please, wake up! Listen, give thanks, and give back! She only wants what is good for you – she is crying out. Pay attention and you will hear. It’s a balance—of give and take.

In addition, every living thing on planet earth is a direct representative of the divine spark of God. Therefore, every animal, plant, crystal and human is God. We must respect each of these. Now, I am not saying you should not eat meat, although I choose to not ingest animal or animal products, contrary if you do choose to eat meat or the byproducts please show respect and appreciation. For these animals are also gifts of Mother Earth. Unfortunately, people are forgetting. We are losing contact with the Earth—and once we lose the contact with Earth, we lose contact with ourselves. As the Taoist say ‘The way to do is to be,’ meaning, we need to change our current state of mind where we realize the situation and begin to take it seriously and work in a way where we can make some real changes in our consciousness.

Furthermore, humans who lose connection with themselves form a feral, riotous inner war zone—and once the cells begin not recognizing one another—they battle against the other, resulting in disease and cancer. We have lost connection, each of us is God, and each of us is our own shaman. We need to go within, understand ourselves and reflect on what needs ‘work’ and rather than putting the blame on others or just repressing these feelings-One should embrace, and respect themselves, just as they should for all living organisms on Earth. So stop hiding from the world and yourself. NOW is the time. We ARE children of nature-We ARE One.

Lucid Dreaming & Astral Traveling

Astral traveling is an exigent task for me since I fear leaving my body. I am not sure why since I do not have any attachments to my human body, or maybe I do, since I am unable to leave it. I have only accomplished leaving my body (consciously) once and even then I had to literally talk myself into it. And bam, out I went. But it took a lot of patience and convincing. On the other hand, lucid dreaming, which is far more easy- yet still quite challenging is my current concentration--I want to be fully conscious in my dreams. Typically what happens during my dreams I am unaware that I am dreaming until I wake up, and then I can recall all the reasons why my dream was a dream: none of the truth was taking place in that moment. For instance, when I dream of my partner or parents in my dream while in Guatemala, obviously it is a dream, since they are in the United States. I need to bring that awareness into my dreams while they are taking place. But I am currently struggling with that. I want to be able to go into my dreams for answers. I am attempting to unlock my subconscious mind that is storing my past identity, which will then allow me to find my ultimate purpose in this lifetime and grow closer to enlightenment.

When I first wake in the morning, I can usually recall some or all of my dreams, conversely that is the frustrating part for me. Why am I not able to take control and be conscious/awake in my dreams? In dreams we just accept what is happening to us in them, yet they are our dreams. We can take control—we can ask questions. There are seven dimensions that I want to travel through and be fully conscious during. Most people stay in the physical (1^st dimension) or even journey to the 2^nd dimension, which is the astral body. Yet I want to go beyond these two. The third is mental, the fourth intuitive—which is the most important for me at this time in my life. I want to know my past. I want to travel back in time to see who/where/what I am. Once I am able to clarify that I would then eventually like to be able to journey to the fifth dimension and beyond. But it all has to be done in ‘baby’ steps. First, I am becoming more aware in my waking life what routines my body likes in order to dream. I have noticed that when my head is pointing towards North, yet my body is facing down towards South is when I dream best. Also, my body needs 9 hours of sleep in order to cycle through all its stages of REM. Lastly, it is better for me to go to bed on an empty belly rather than full—when that does happen, its difficult for me to fall to sleep since my energy is all focused directly on digestion. Having a similar bedtime each night is crucial for me—not only for dreaming, but for my waking life as well. Oh, and I am also curious if the moon cycle effects my dreaming. I am keeping track of the moon phases and which are more (or less) prevailing for me.

I justly believe that during sleep we are able to live more than when we are awake. There are so many places/dimensions that we are able to go. Sleep can be more fun than life. Yet, so many people don’t take advantage of this beautiful occasion. I am ready to take my dreaming to different dimensions—to learn, to grow, to find truth and most importantly, to enjoy …a whole new world.

Infinite Probability

The human race has the faculty to create immense change (in the world and within themselves) just with the use of their minds. However, we humans do not want to make the effort, although sorrowfully so many walk around in states of depression, anxiety and feelings of hopelessness—but that someone DOES have the power to change this state of being. At the moment of depression, whether they know it or not, have trained their minds to behave in that manner and has also chosen to let it spiral nearly out of control. It does take work to rewire the brain, but it is very possible. You almost have to kill that part of the brain, and birth new receptors. With meditation, focus and positive speech—the mind can do nearly anything. Currently I am reprogramming my conditioned mind.  I have been conditioned to do and be many things. Fortunately, over the years I have rebirthed new receptors and learned that I am the controller of my destiny. I create whether I want to be happy, sad, hungry and so on. Although still at times I do not always feel in control—but just as soon as I feel that way I am also able to change that thought pattern and craft the negative into a positive.

I am reprogramming and rebooting my entire system. I am giving birth to a new me this month- on the night of the full moon. A me that lives without judgment, without fear, without guilt. A me that just lives in love, compassion and Oneness. I am in the process (these next 3 weeks) of discarding what is not needed--emptying the trash, and manifesting a new belief system, creating an even more conscious, radiant being—a Warrior of LIGHT.             I will be more than prepared when the time comes for battle.

Blessings brothers & sisters.

week one.

I have completed week one of my meditation course. I am beyond thankful that the Universe led me to this place near Lake Atitlan. I desperately needed this time for myself. It began at the most perfect time. Meditation has not been easy for me recently. I realized that I am constantly living in the future, something that is not even real yet, rather than reality in the present moment. I am a daydreamer, living in a fantasy world. Last night, during meditation, I was presented with the oracle card that read ‘rare soul’. I spent the evening in contemplation and in my dreams I asked to be shown the meaning, yet I am still unsure what the Spirit wanted to tell me with this card. Only through patience, meditation and dreaming will the answer be revealed to me. I must be willing to listen and clear my mind for the answer to be shown.

This week I learned a lot about life and the search that I am on. I have realized that I am not entirely honest with myself most of the time. But I also am having difficulties bringing forward these truths in myself. I have pushed them so far down that even in myself I cannot bring them up without a lot of perseverance and effort.  But slowly, they are coming to the surface—and are not easy to face. But one by one I will accept and embrace what I need to know about myself in order to reach a higher state of awareness. I am a very shy, timid person—but this is caused only from my insecurities. Yet, they are completely unnecessary insecurities that have been stored in my subconscious mind. I fear not being loved, as do most—since isn’t that the purpose of life—LOVE? I say and do things sometimes that are not my truths just to gain acceptance from others. Yet, if others are unable to truly love me for me, then that is a problem within them and not mine. I love all just the way they are without any judgment. For instance, I do simple acts like shaving my legs because I want acceptance, yet I do not enjoy shaving, nor do I find it necessary. It’s for others, not for myself. This is one truth that has bothered me for a while now. My voice is not always followed by my actions—and when I do this I create an unbalance in my chakras therefore causing blocks and creating illness in my physical body. I do these things simple to gain love from others. I am learning though that I do not need acceptance from others—it is only within that I need this. I am happy with my body, I am healthy and strong, yet sometimes I feel ashamed of my size—but why I have to ask myself? For similar reasons stated above—acceptance from others. By the time I leave the meditation center at the next full moon I want to continue to surface and become more aware of these simple truths that I hide from others and embrace every true aspect of myself and break the conditioned mind that I have at the moment.

Once I am able to transform these beliefs, then I will be able to achieve a deeper meditation practice filled solely with love. I want to understand my oracle card presented to me last night. I want to continue on my path that I left off at in my last life and grow closer to the Light. I desire to release this duality life that I am currently living and become one with all- baba nam kevalam.

the how to--cheap travel

Since I started traveling years ago, the same question is asked of me time after time, ‘how are you affording all this travel?’ Well, let me start by saying, no—I am not rich, no, I don’t have a trust fund, no my parents aren’t sponsoring the trips (although my parents do help in other ways besides giving me cash, which I will address later).

I will begin by stating that travel does not have to be expensive—it’s not some luxury for the rich. Anyone who has a desire and a passion to see the world can do so, but there are several things one must be willing to give up and/or be willing to step outside one’s comfort zone. I definitely do not travel first class, nor do I stay in hotels, or eat at fancy restaurants. My philosophy is whichever country I am in I live as the people in that country do. If people are eating a diet mostly of rice and beans, I do the same. If people only bathe once a week, I do the same.

I have decided to create a list (for all those wanderlusts out there) that are too afraid to travel with very little money:

-If at all possible, live at home with parents/family when not traveling. This is where my parents help me out big time. Not having to pay rent allows me to save for upcoming trips. Plus, I enjoy living with my parents when I am home, since it allows me to spend more time with them.

-When you are not traveling, and in your home country, you will have to learn how to also live thrifty. That new pair of jeans you just bought could be your meals for a month in another country. When I am home, I save money by cooking at home, not owning a car, not buying new clothes (I only shop used), and not going out every weekend. I still enjoy life though—if I do want to eat out, or buy a coffee, or go to a show I do it, but in moderation.

-When traveling I either use workaway, help x, or woofing to participate in work exchange programs, which is full board and food in exchange for a few hours of work during the week. I enjoy the experience of learning and being a part of someone else’s day-to-day routine for a while—I love it.

-Accommodations: if I am not doing a work exchange then I stay either in a backpacker’s hostel or I use couchsurfing.com. Hostels are dirt cheap, I have paid $3 a night in some, and couchsurfing—well that is free. And sometimes the host will even feed you or at least you have access to cook at home. Plus, because you are staying with a local, they are able to tell you all the cheap eats and places to visit. They have all the inside—and sometimes even take you on a personal tour of their city. In addition, you make lifetime friends all over the world.

-Food: Like I said above, I either work for food using work exchange, or eat with my couch surfer or I buy cheap groceries and cook back where I am staying. If I find a very cheap restaurant I will eat there, but I hardly order a drink or anything special, usually I just eat soup or an appetizer and not order any extras. Shopping at street markets are usually where you will find good deals on veg and fruit. In addition, I eat heaps of street food. Grilled corn on the cob is always my favorite, or sometimes you will find spring rolls, pad thai, sandwiches, tacos, grilled bananas… the list really goes on forever. Street food is usually less than a dollar—and you can really get good, filling food.

Transportation: I usually just walk if I can. Or share a ride. Hitchhiking is quite easy in most countries and a good way to travel and meet new people. If you are able to rent a bicycle where you are at that is always awesome. And taking local transport rather than ‘tourist’ transport will save heaps of money, however most people will stare at you and the ride is usually pretty uncomfortable.

Flights: my favorite website to find cheap flights is skyscanner.com. It basically scans every airline that exists. The only thing is that you have to be quite open with your availability. I usually look up flights by the entire country and also by leaving the entire month open to travel. Rather than exact airports and exact dates. I have found flights as low as $8, no joke.

Tours: I never pay for ‘tourist’ tours or buy tourist guides. I like to create my own itinerary and I enjoy exploring on my own. Sometimes though, if I am very curious about a certain museum or place I will just follow close behind a tour that is taking place and listen in. I have done that in several places: Taj Mahal being the best one. Also, it is good to plan ahead for certain shows, exhibits, etc. because some places have free days. For instance, the last Sunday of the month the Vatican has free admission, and the first Saturday of the month the Louvre in Paris has free admission. Its nice if you are able to get into these places free of charge.

With all that said—what are you waiting for? Go out in the world and explore. It is too much fun! And let me tell you, I was in Europe for 10 weeks and including my flight over to Spain and all my expenses I managed to do it for under $1000. That is correct folks- I went to 7 different countries in Europe under $1000 and I had the best time of my life. I went to all the museums I wanted to go to, drank Spanish wine and Italian espresso, and had a blast! It’s easy to do if you are willing to make some small sacrifices in your life, but the experience is worth every one!

i n t e n t i o n s. [next 5 weeks]

I utterly lost myself this summer; fortunately, it was only for a short duration of time. I desperately needed an escape from the cycle I was enduring—and I sure did get that escape. I left on August 12^th- I was actually weary and afraid to leave this time; afraid of the consequences of not working hard on myself (spiritually and physically). It is one of the 5 keys that a Reiki master must live by—and I neglected that one, along with not worrying. I did quite a bit of that this summer. Luckily, all of that is in the past though—so I am moving forward and only making occasional glances back to learn from my mistakes. I am currently in San Marcos la Laguna at Las Piramides Meditation Center. I have begun one of their courses, which includes: meditation, yoga, silence, fasting, metaphysics and esoteric lectures. I am enclosed in pure beauty. The location is incredible- the lake, along with the mountains are magic. I feel extremely blessed to be here and have this opportunity. With that said, yesterday I decided to list my intentions for choosing to regain my connection to the cosmos—

First, my greatest intention is to continue to awaken and fine-tune my energies with electromagnetic fields of the Earth in preparation of the great cosmic shift of the coming ages. I am here to awaken further and achieve a greater Oneness.

Second, my one immense problem is worry. Sometimes I feel like I get into a worry spiral. One ‘problem’ comes crashing into another, which then creates more ‘problems’. But honestly they are not really ‘problems’—and I should not classify them as so, they are just simple quests that I must overcome and learn from. I should take each one at a time and go from there. I am always so worried about everyone else and not myself-which therefore causes me more worry. It is time to let go of those insecurities—time to be honest and real always.

I was told a story today about the lake by a local shop keeper—and its magical abilities to manifest intentions. They say, people sit in front of the ocean and let out problems and set intent; however, the ocean just floats out then brings it back, where as in the lake when you sit and ask—it is perfectly still, and creates a mirror effect of your intentions. This can be both positive and negative though, if you go to the lake with positivity—it reflect back upon you, yet the same happens with negativity. And the lake has been known to make dreams come true. So its important to approach the lake with the right mind set and very set intentions.

I have had to ask the question where and what do I want when I return back to the states next month. I sat in front of my laptop—and these things came to mind without much thought:

I am most happy when I am part of a community. I love small town feel when everyone knows everyone -- you become a local. I love spending time with friends, and especially my brother and parents. I love yoga (hot yoga being my favorite), I love sharing meals with friends: either at a really good veg place or home prepared meals. I love sharing recipes and creating meals. I love shopping for organic, healthy items: especially when I discover something new at Whole Foods. I love being a health freak and I love love making my own fermented goods: Kimchi, sprouts and tempeh. I love engaging my mind. I love working in a laid-back environment, especially coffee shop vibes. I love riding my bike (especially along the beach) and I love going to bed early and waking up early and getting really good, quality sleep.

These things are important for my ultimate happiness. And I believe that if I continue with positive intent for all that I do these things will be granted to me with minimum effort or inversions. But what is given to me, I must give back.

I am going to be letting go of a lot in the next few weeks; releasing any worries and tension and rising closer towards the stars.

all is love

Every time I go on a new adventure outside my comfort zone, I always learn something new about the planet and something new about myself, which possibly manifested during the trip. For instance, I once had a very negative opinion about the United States, and once I left and then returned I realized that the USA is my home, it is where I was born and raised. It has influenced who I have become. Nevertheless, I still am very unhappy with our government and the way things currently are. Unless people start waking up, the states are going to crumble and fall. With that said, sadly the rest of the world’s countries all have their own problems as well. There really is no perfect government, so it really is up to the people to make the best of what they have, and to be happy and healthy within oneself and to ALWAYS stand up for their human rights and beliefs.

The latest discovery about myself is that life is not as fun without those you love around you. Yes, I am super independent; yes, I love traveling; yes, I love alone time, nevertheless, going through all the daily motions of eating, working and sleeping—well, that is just no fun at all, unless you get to eat with your friends, and work with awesome co-workers and sleep next to your lover. I would rather travel less and spend more time with my family and friends. Every time I go back and visit   (especially with my brother), I realize how much I adore him and love his company. It would be worth it to me to not go on such extended trips in order to spend that time with him, same with my mom and dad, boyfriend and friends. I use to say, I want to travel the world and never stop—because you never know when you are going to die. But now I feel like I want to spend every spare minute with those I love because you never know when you are going to die. I don’t want to stop traveling completely, because like I said, every trip I go on is expanding my consciousness, however, after this trip—I only want to take trips with friends, or just shorter, less extensive trips. Mhm… all is LOVE & I am in love with love.

Plan B

My itinerary is always changing—but I think I have at least the next 8 weeks fairly sorted out.

Currently I am in Antigua, I will be here for the weekend, then Tuesday morning I am going to head North to San Marcos (Lake Atitlan) where I will spend one moon cycle (28 days) studying meditation, which will include one week in silence and abstaining from food and eye contact during that time. Should be an incredible consciousness shift. On the 1^st of October I am going to head to Flores for 4-5 days—and take in the glorious Mayan architecture (Tikal). To conclude, I will finish where I started—back to Antigua for another night or so.

I will then be flying from Guatemala City to Boston on the 9^th of October, where I am meeting my dad in the airport. We are going to spend one-week together exploring Massachusetts and it’s surrounding states (Vermont, Maine, etc.). On the 17^th I will part ways with dad and head from Boston to Manhattan, and the final two weeks making my way back down to Jackson, and eventually New Orleans. I will be stopping in the following locations: BostonàManhattanàTeaneck (N.J.)àPhiladelphiaàWashington D.C. àAshvilleàAtlantaàHome! I am going to do the entire trip home using couch surfing and rideshare. My budget is $100 for the two-week journey home, which should be more than enough. Mhm. The goal is to be back in Jackson before Halloween.

And then after that, I am really not sure.

There are numerous options-- I may stay in the South till my brother’s birthday (I cannot remember the last birthday I celebrated with my brother). Then I may either head out to California for the Winter, or up to Boulder (eventually I will live in Boulder, just not sure when), or I could even go back to Mexico, since I am removing it from my current itinerary—and I really want to do the Agama Yoga course in Mazunte, and I really want to visit Chichen Itza. So, maybe I will celebrate the Winter Solstice there? There are options, just not sure which one to take until I get to that point. As for now, I am really enjoying Guatemala—so excited to be here, the next 6 weeks are going to be life changing—I can sense it!

Blessings.

Times are a changin'...

Over the past several years, just the idea of settling seemed odd to me. Often, people would ask me if traveling ever got ‘old’ and if I ever desired a permanent residency. My response was always the same… ‘No way! Traveling is far too much fun!’ Yet, I am approaching a crossroad in my life... do I continue down the path I am on or take a break for a while? (Just stay put, in other words).

Nevertheless, I am flying to Guatemala early next week, my itinerary is quite full, but I am very excited to visit the following places: Guatemala City, Antigua, Lake Atitlan, Tikal (Flores), and then continuing North to Mexico. I hope to visit: Chichen Itza, Palenque, Cristobal de Las Casas, Oaxaca, Mazunte (Agama Yoga) and Toluca. I am going to fly to Texas from Mexico on the 17^th of October, then spend a few days in Austin, then Houston, then New Orleans and lastly, Jackson, MS. And then this is it for a while. This is my final journey for the year.

I am ready to be settled. And what better place to do that then Boulder, Colorado. My hopes are to be all moved in by my 27^th birthday. I never thought I would say this, but I am ready to have my own apartment with my own kitchen that I can paint teal green and prepare meals in. I am ready to have my own bathroom and living room filled with potted plants and lots of natural light. I am ready to collect kitchen appliances, furniture and make new friends in a new location. I am ready to dedicate myself to a job, my art and music and to really be part of a community. I am ready for my own address and more responsibility.

Numerous other things have been coming to the front of my mind, things I have been questioning for a while. [My apologizes in advance for the sporadic nature of the list below with brief description. But it helps to formulate lists in order to get my head straight]. On the forefront:

1) Career choices: I love being a barista, I love teaching yoga, I like making art, that is what I will continue doing till further notice. 2) The United States is not that bad. 3) I never want to own a car-- I love riding my bike. (for multiple reasons) 4) It is ok to have an alcoholic beverage with friends occasionally (it’s all about moderation). 5) Just because I am settling doesn’t mean I will never travel again—I still have a list of countries/places I want to visit before I die. 6) Continue to boycott corporations. 7) Although I like big, baggy boy clothing—I also really love being girlie. I love dressing up, wearing accessories, painting my nails, wearing makeup, and glitter—I love glitter. And all of that is ok. 8) I don’t like shaving, so why do I shave? CONDITIONING. Break the chains. 9) Don’t obsess about meditation & spirituality, don’t be overly hard on yourself, just continue to stay mindful, present and positive. 10) Continue to learn something new daily—for instance, teach yourself the banjo (since you have wanted to learn for years and years). Yah, it’s time!

There is something special about turning age twenty-seven that just triggered a new desire to be settled. Hmm, this is going to be just as much an adventure as all my other journeys have been. I am looking forward to the next several months of life.