new years eve!!

2009- is going to be the best night of my life.

i can feel it.

i have great vibrations being sent to me.

jealousy

Jealousy is a familiar experience in human relationships. It has been observed in infants five months old and older.^[1][2][3][4] Some claim that jealousy is seen in every culture;^[5][6][7] however, others claim jealousy is a culture-specific phenomenon.^[8]

Jealousy as an emotion or the impact of jealousy has been a theme of many novels, songs, poems, films and other artistic works. It has also been a topic of interest for scientists, artists, and theologians. Psychologists have proposed several models of the processes underlying jealousy and have identified factors that result in jealousy. Sociologists have demonstrated that cultural beliefs and values play an important role in determining what triggers jealousy and what constitutes socially acceptable expressions of jealousy. Biologists have identified factors that may unconsciously influence the expression of jealousy. Artists have explored the theme of jealousy in photographs, paintings, movies, songs, plays, poems, and books. Theologians have offered religious views of jealousy based on the scriptures of their respective faiths.

<333

i want a fairy tale wedding in the forest toooo.

feliz navidad

it is thirty minutes till christmas day 2009.

one week till the new year.

for the longest time i felt like 2009 was never going to end, and now i feel like it went by so quickly. i can not believe it is already going to be 2010. so strange, last year (at this time) i was working at starbucks in long beach, living with my dad in westminster, and spending christmas eve with marcel's family, eating tofurky and waiting to open presents at midnight, last christmas i got some really special gifts from marcel, my paint easel, and a full set of acrylic paints. it was such a great surprise, this year, i didnt ask for anything besides a gym membership which my mom helped me get earlier this week, but thats about it, im not really a big fan of christmas, so i kinda just want it to be over. im glad i have a smaller family this year, just mom and brother, rather than all the people, i get quite overwhelmed by that. im really looking forward to spending christmas day/weekend in memphis, i like it there. kinda reminds me of long beach. well, im off to bed, when i wake it will be christmas. good night.

xmas eve's eve

can christmas just be over already? please.

happpy birthday mama!

today is my mama's birthday!!

i hope she is having an amazing day because she truly deserves happiness. she is a very beautiful person!!

love you mom!

the inside of my mind at the moment

there are always a million things going on in my mind at every moment of the day. i really need to get back into yoga, when i was doing yoga i was actually able to slow down my thoughts and just focus on the now. hmm.. maybe that should be another new years resolutions. yes, yes i think it will be. currently my mind is thinking about xmas gifts & all the people i still need to make gifts for, i am thinking about my trip out to california (im only there one week so i want to have it all planned out so that i can see all my friends and family, and get everything i need to get done: go through boxes in storage & pick up recommendations). i am also really trying to figure out 2010, i need to buy/book all my mexico trip, and i really want to get a new tattoo, i need to take the GRE, and apply to grad school. i really want to make sure i follow through with all my resolutions as well, like riding my bike more, not dying my hair any more, buying only used, no new. i am actually starting to feel less anxiety about 2010 since i have figured out that i am definitely not moving back to california. after the summer i will be moving somewhere new, and i am very excited about it. well, that is my life at the moment. things are looking up.

ive got a feelin

that tonights gonna be a good good night.

i love being young, healthy, & happy.

life is good. =)

i just want to make art

all my christmas gifts this year are all handmade.

cant believe its only 8 days till christmas & i still have to make..

about 10 gifts, shouldnt be too hard.

oh, and i need to make a scrapbook.

good thing the next couple weeks i have lots of time off work for arts & crafts =)

siempre

i can always count on my brother. 

we think we have our future planned out.

he loves chicago just as much as i do, and he wants to start school just as much as i want to start grad school, so there it is. we move to chicago & start school. i hope that is the final decision, cause my mind hurts from over thinking.

fuck you economic crisis

i dont know how much longer i can take this economic crisis. yes, i have a job. & yes, i have a roof over my head, and i eat dinner every night, but geeez i had to move a million miles away from my comfort zone to have all these things. i miss marcel and i really wish i could just move back to long beach and get a job, find an apartment, and start grad school, but the chances of all that happening right now are: slim to none. so basically i am just going to have to stay away for a couple more years till things clear up. and i am actually getting quite bored of mississippi; dont get me wrong, i am happy here, but bored. i am ready to start something new, start grad school, start a new adventure. so my choices are: move out of mississippi, anywhere but california. hmm, so basically my two choices are either oregon or illinois. i really need to make a decision soon. 

OREGON:

[PROS]

-friends in eugene

-vegan lifestyle

-hippie culture

-cheap rent

-bike friendly

-mellow

[CONS]:

-both universities are VERY expensive

ILLINOIS:

[PROS]

-friends in chicago

-very artistic community

-lots of public transportation

-cheap rent

-good universities

[CONS]:

-very very COLD winters

i really wish someone could just make the decision for me. 

it would make things a lot easier.

freeee yer mind

i need to stop overthinking E V E R Y T H I N G.

i just wish my future wasnt so jumbled up in my mind-- 

i need to figure things out already.

fuck decisions. fuck fuck fuck.

i left my heart in chicago

i belong in chicago. 

i need to live there.

i need to convince everyone i love to come with me.

this was such a perfect past weekend.

chicago weekend trips need to become more permanent.

im ready for something new.

chiiicago here i come!

leaving in an hour for my favorite place on earth w/my favorite people minus albert =(

packed-a

roadtrip food- a

camera battery loaded- a

ate lunch- a

ready for take offfff- a

see you all on monday!

twentyfour hours

im so ready to be in chicago.

while im there im sure i will have a 

permanent smile across my face at all times.

[even in my sleep]

one more day.

addicted

i have an addiction to vegetables. especially spinach. i think i eat spinach everyday, sometimes even twice a day. i also get a weird craving for carrots & onion. and i could also eat avocado & apples, oh and bananas everyday. oh, also asparagus & zucchini. seriously im addicted to vegetables & fruit. i never crave sweets, just spinach.

 but i guess its a good thing.

twentytwo days till 2 0 1 0

2010 resolutions:

• triathlon
  
• ride my bike more, drive less
  
• travel, travel, travel
  
• be happy, smile more
  
• read more
  
• start a garden
  
• buy more consignment, less new
  

my mind hurts

i am so stressed out lately. i really feel like im at a stand-still in my life. & i blame it all on this S T U P I D economy. i know for sure i am going down to mexico in march. but after that.. no idea. ughh its really starting to hurt my head. i am an over-thinker, and its so hard for me not to dwell on the future all day every day. there are so many places i could see myself living in (chicago, portland, san francisco) but part of me also just wants to move back to long beach and start school, i feel like im wasting time just moving around and not doing something productive like education. i dont know what to do, but i have so many deadlines coming up that i need to figure it out in the next week. i will have my final decision after this weekend in chicago.

grandma arts & crafts

i really really want to learn how to knit. i can crochet like a pro, and have made tons of blankets over the years, but i really love the way knitted items turn out. i need to buy myself a book on knitting, oh & some knitting needles, yah, im gonna attempt knitting.

in less than 72 hours

cant wait to see my baby in less than 72 hours.

weight loss update

i have lost 7.2 pounds since november 2nd [5 weeks]. to reach my goal weight i need to lose another 11.8 pounds. if i continue to lose 1.44lbs a week, which i have been doing, then it will take another 8 weeks to reach my goal. By February 1, I will have hopefully met my goal weight. i am actually starting to have hope, i think i can do it! especially since mom is getting me a gym membership for christmas. yaay! 

more wishlist items

AVEDA

URBAN OUTFITTERS

[any of the dream-like photo cameras make me smile]

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15818453&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump

[realllllly want this necklace]

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=16122947&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump

[size medium]

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/urban/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=15448764&itemdescription=true&navAction=jump

monday

i am so tired. sundays need to have more hours in a day than the rest of the week days. i need a nap before i go to my next shift at work. hopefully this week goes by quickly, by thursday at 1 i will be off to chicago to see joe & marcel. yaaaay!! hurry up week.

sweater weather

i want. i want. i want. 

ooOoh anthropology, i have such a love/hate relationship with you.

countdown

4 days till chicago

24 days till california

84 days till mexico

veganism

veganism has been a very easy task for me. however, i do get all the questions on a daily basis .. where do you get your protein? how do you eat out? how do you not become malnutritioned? what do you eat? 

the questions are fine. and i am proud to answer them because i have chosen this way of life, and i will never go back. this is who i am and this is how i plan to raise my children. last year when i had blood work done i had my doctor in awe and amazement at my perfect health. she told me that all the doctors had a look at my charts and were all jealous at my all time low cholesterol and my amazing liver results. she told me that my results were even better than all the goals the doctors had for themselves. my favorite thing that people tell me is that i dont look malnutritioned-and i so badly want to respond.."well of course i dont, i eat a diet high in vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and beans and i cut out all the dead meat that rots in my intestines, and all the milk loaded with chemicals, and all the packaged, fastfood that is jammed packed with every preservative possible. carnivores are the ones that look malnutritioned.."

sksk

Stand up!
You know you have the right too!
Speak up!
For the things you that you believe!
And we lift off!
And they will stab you in the back over again
Take your integrity

How long will you let this go on
They're drowning you in fear

Speak up!
Your voice just isn't breaking through
It's time now!
It's gone on way too long
As we lift off!
They will tear you into little pieces
I think there is something wrong

How long will you let this go on?
They're drowning you in fear

You're letting your hopes go straight to hell
and i know the end is near

The time will come
The time will come
The time will come
You will be sorry for what you've done
The time will come

How long will you let this go on?
They're drowning you in fear

You're letting your hopes go straight to hell
And i know the end is near

You say you're sorry
For what its worth 

the holidays

it is definitely the christmas holiday season, people have lights strung on their houses, christmas trees are shimmering through windows, the snow has fallen, people with bells outside of grocery stores attempting to guilt you into throwing your extra change in their buckets, lots more people out shopping than ever before, christmas music taking over the radio, and lots of holiday treats (i.e. time to gain weight). i am never really a big fan of any of it, but i am going to try my hardest  this year to just accept and enjoy it. hmphh

happiness.

happiness is not an easy task. its definitely something that needs to be worked at, but completely worth every battle that you may come across while following your bliss. i am happy. but not as happy as i know i can be. but oddly, im not really sure what it is that will make me happier. 

take that back, yes i do.

i want the boy i love to want to move up to oregon, get a little house, get part time jobs, and in our spare time just make arts & crafts from home, spend hours baking, just being completely happy and in love. im not sure if that is completely a dream that cant be obtained, or if it is possible?  seems easy enough. but really it is a challenge because the boy i love is content where he is & i dont want to go back to southern california. i dont want to deal with being unhappy all the time because of all the people (the angry, aggressive people), & the people that dont care about the planet, dont care about their health. no one in so cal has time to slow down and actually enjoy life. people work so many hours a day at a job they hate that by the time they fight traffic and make it home there is no time for arts and crafts, no time to just enjoy each others company. people are miserable. i dont want to go back to that lifestyle, but i will if i have to just to be with the boy i love. i just wish that he would take the chance and escape while he can. he might actually find that he is much happier that way. hmm..

time for rapid eye movement.

good night.

decisions, decisions

sometimes i get really frustrated that we have to make so many decisions in life. some people may think its a positive thing, but for me (the most indecisive person in the world) making decisions is not so easy. there are so many things i want to do but sometimes i have to take a step back and ask myself if they are realistic or not. i want to some how live in chicago, live in mexico, live in portland, and get a masters degree all at the same time. i know bouncing around from state to state is not going to be easy, but i really want to experience all of it. oOoh, i guess only time will tell. blah.

goodnight world.

im looking forward to my dreams tonight.. 

i love reading sweet love stories before bed time. 

good night.

chicago, illinois

one week from today i will be on a bus towards chicago. i love so many things about chicago, i love the layout of the city, i love the architecture, i love the mellow vibe, the cool people, the trains, the weather, the parks, the coffee shops, the art scene, lake michigan, all the street musicians, and the overall feeling of togetherness for such a big city that it is. i first fell in love with chicago in 2004. i stood in my hotel room in early february and starred out towards the street as i watched the gentle snow fall from the sky. i knew right then at that moment that i could see myself living in chicago, i have taken a few more trips since then and i have the same feeling everytime, that i am totally in love with the place and want to spend more than just a vacation there. i am really hoping to move up there after summer. i am scared though because as much as i love the place i couldnt live there alone, i think loneliness would consume my every thought and then i would suddenly hate the place for that. im going to talk to my friend joe when i am up there about moving in together, but truly i am hoping that either albert, marcel, or cindy move up there with me as well. i think then everything would be perfect. 

good morning world

i love when i wake up in the morning & remember my dreams. since i fell asleep reading last night, most of my dreams were as if i was living that same exact story. i love it, however i did wake up from one of the bad parts of the dream, i was so hungry and late for my own wedding, i stopped to get food and they messed up my order, hahaaa, random, i know. 

my life, my soul