a new leaf

In the past 5 days, I have learned more about myself than I have in the past 5 months. It is utterly incredible how happy my soul is when it is set free. I have smiled so much this week that my cheeks ache (and it’s a good ache).                  

The story in a nutshell—I arrived back in the USA this past April. I spent a few months in California and a few in Mississippi. By the time I made it to Mississippi I was already planning my next adventure out of the country. And since I had no idea what was next I jumped on the first opportunity presented to me without even thoroughly thinking it through first. Once things were booked, I chose not to question them, and to just flow with it. It was not until a week before leaving for Peru that I started questioning my intentions (why I was going back to Peru and why I so desperately wanted to work with shamans and Ayahuasca). I began to realize that I was depending so greatly on these medicine plants to ‘save me.’ Furthermore, I also realized that I do not even have to leave my own country to participate in more ceremonies if that is what I truly desired.  Nevertheless, when the time came to fly to Peru I was thrilled and ready for my next adventure! Yet, the Universe decided it was undeniably not the right time, and did not let me board that flight (due to new policies about flying on a one-way ticket).  I stood in the Fort Lauderdale airport in all smiles and asked the counter worker.. ‘Ok, then where next..?’ She smiled, and replied, ‘I have a flight to Denver in 30 minutes, and there is room on the flight?’ I responded, ‘well, looks like I am going to Denver!’ And that was it! I was in Denver by midnight.                                                                     

The human race is really quite amazing. I have met numerous beautiful, like-minded people in the last week. It’s like the Universe is just leading me directly to people that are going to help make my life easier and teach me something new. Denver won my heart over with the help of the people that habituate the space and the energy radiating off the mountain peaks. [Just incredible.] And then there is Salt Lake City (where I currently am)—wow, so amazing. Same story, different town.

Anyhow, being outside of Mississippi—outside of my comfort zone, I found that I could finally breathe again. I was drowning there, yet I did not notice until I was saved. I was forcing myself to be happy, I was uninspired, unmotivated—definitely not myself. Now I am feeling happy, inspired, motivated and so on. I can look from the outside at myself and realize what was happening to me this summer. I became lost. I was shaving my legs-and for other people, not being creative, lazy with exercise and practicing yoga daily. I even disliked going to work. Why? Why was this happening to me? I struggled a bit trying to understand certain things about myself, like whether drinking alcohol was ok for me and whether wearing a little makeup was such a bad thing? Driving a car, rather than riding my bike made me feel extremely guilty. Not taking time for myself to read the new book I just bought, or to learn something new. I was lost but luckily for a very short period of time, and now I am back! I found myself again, and realized that it is ok to enjoy a glass of wine, or a have a beer with my friends. It is ok to be a girl and enjoy wearing mascara. Make-up can be so much fun! Yet, there is a balance with both these things. Drink in enjoyment, and have a limit. Wear make up for fun and to embrace being a woman, yet don’t wear makeup to hide behind. And always make time for book reading and journal writing and canvas painting. These are things that keep me focused and happy. I am not going to dwell on the past, and be sad about my summer of lethargy. I think it was just the down time I needed, and I am super stoked about everything that lies ahead of me. I am going to continue to travel for the next few months and then I am settling down—yes, that is right! Settling down! And you’ll never guess where..? BOULDER, COLORADO! I cannot wait to make it my next home. And when I say settle down, it doesn’t mean the traveling will stop, just means that I will have a little more responsibility-aint nothin’ wrong with that. =)