we are just a speck in time

how did it already become december 1st, and in an hour december 2nd? geeez why is time moving so quickly. we really are so insignificant in time compared to the entire universe. i guess time is just a reminder that i need to enjoy every single day that i am given because it is going to end eventually, and that is guaranteed.

christmas wishlist [as of nov 30]

im not really big on presents but there are some things i have been wanting to buy myself as i get extra money so i decided why not make a list of all the things i have been attempting to buy & if someone decides they wanna get it for me, that would make me happy, but if not i will eventually buy myself these things:

Origins: Mint Wash, Plantidote Mega-Mushroom treatment lotion, Night Health (bedtime face cream)

Abba: Herbal Remedy Leave-In Treatment

Modern Organic Product: Glisten Shine Drops

Lomography Diana F+ Chromatic Camera (from urban outfitters)

Wheat Grass Kit/Wheat Grass Juicer

and of course, canvas always makes me happy.

well thats about it. cant believe christmas is right around the corner!

weight

i was always a small child, i never had that "fat" stage growing up, until i hit high school and was able to drive (which caused me to stop walking everywhere & start driving everywhere) and then of course i was able to eat out with friends all the time, mcdonalds, del taco, etc. i was an athlete in high school though: waterpolo, swim, volleyball, basketball.. which probably saved me. otherwise who knows how much chubbier i would have gotten. well actually i do know, because once i graduated high school i put on a good 10 pounds right off the bat. my 2nd year of college i started playing college waterpolo and swim once again, so still not watching what i was eating, but at least getting loads of exercise, i managed to take off the 10 pounds i had gained. but once again when my 2 years of college sports ended i gained back the 10 pounds. i weighed about 179 pounds by summer 2006. by january 2007 i decided i needed to do something about the weight, and joined weight watchers, i really did not exercise, but i stayed on a strict 1200 calorie diet a day, and lost about 1.5 pounds a week till i got down to 160 which was my initial goal. i stayed between 158-160 for over a year till marcel and i broke up, when that happened i automatically lost another 8 pounds and got down to 150 where i stayed for another year or so, this past february i got down to about 146, after becoming vegan and sticking to a low-calorie, high fiber diet. once summer came around though, i slowly gained half a pound a week from all the partying & eating out. then peru came and i was very careless about everything i ate, i told myself, im on vacation and i am going to enjoy this, i allowed myself to eat more desserts than ever before, i managed to gain about 14 pounds in 2 months. since i have been home it has been a battle to take the weight off. i have been dieting and starving, and still no weight loss, well maybe about 3 pounds, but i am starting to get discouraged, and i really hope this weight starts to come off, cause my jeans arent fitting and i feel very self-conscious about it. hopefully i can get back down to my original weight before summer. i guess it did take time to put on the weight and now its going to take time to take off the weight, but i would like to at least see some sort of change.

countdown

i have an obsession with countdowns [i guess it just makes life more enjoyable knowing that i have something to look forward to] so here it is: 

10 days till chicago

30 days till california

90 days till mexico

yaaaay!!

ive come to a decision

i am not going to apply to grad school for next fall, with budget cuts still going on, i think i will wait one more year and apply for the fall 2011. i really want to get my masters degree in art history, that is my FOR SURE final decision, and mostly like at CSULB, since it will be easier for me to network and get work since Long Beach is where i plan to settle down at in the end.. but since i am taking another year off, i am going to spend it traveling and experiencing more of life. i am 99% sure that i am going to move to chicago this summer. i belong there. that 1% doubt is the freezing winters, i dont do well in cold, so i am visiting in 11 days and i will decide then for sure if i can hang.

note to self

today has kinda sucked, but i think im just moody cause im so tired.

since i have been back from peru all i do is work work work.

i did get what i was asking for, which is lots of hours so i can get outta debt & save for mexico... but ughh so ready to have the day off tomorrow. 

 

so very thankful

i love this time of year. as soon as it hits autumn,  i have a huge grin from ear to ear. i love the weather, all the leaves changing color and piled under the tree, i love walking outside and its just so refreshing that you want to take a nap right on your front porch, i love all the tastes of autumn as well, the nutmeg and cinnamon, and gingerbread cookies, i love getting to dress in scarves, boots, and peacoats. i love halloween and getting to play dress-up, then comes my brother's birthday (which this year he turned 21, finally), and then there is my birthday, then thanksgiving, christmas, then my favorite.. new years eve (another day to play dress-up). since today is thanksgiving i have decided to reflect on all of the things in my life that i am thankful for: 

-my brother: he understands me on a deeper level than anyone will ever be able to, he is one of the most intelligent, sweetest souls i have ever met, and i thank earth for letting him be in my life everyday since he was born. i love him more than i can even explain.

-marcel rodriguez: he also understands me on a very deep level. after being told that our souls have traveled together for many hundreds of years, it just confirmed even further that he is my soul mate. he has so much compassion for other people, and i have never seen him put himself before anyone else. he is very talented, and everyday he impresses me more & more. i love him very much, and i know for sure he will be in my life till death do us part and even in the afterlife.

-my family: my mother, my father, i am very thankful that you met, fell in love, and had me and my brother, i am very thankful that you have always been able to put a roof over my head, food in my mouth, my brother and i have always had perfect health, and that is all thanks to my parents, we also never went a day without feeling loved. i am also very thankful that both my parents have an open-mind about everything and have always allowed us to make our own decisions and learn from our mistakes. they have allowed my brother and i to be real and compassionate people. 

-my extended family: i am so thankful for my grandparents for raising such amazing parents of mine, all my aunts and uncles who have all shown me more love than i could have ever imagined, and all my cousins, who are all some of my bestest friends. so thankful for my big family, and all the memories we have all shared together from the time i was born till the present and i smile when i think about the future and all the many more family events we will have together. 

-marcel's family: -angie, who goes above and beyond for EVERYBODY. she raised marcel the same way she is, compassionate and always putting everyone before herself. she may be a small woman but she has one of the biggest hearts that i have ever come across. she has experienced much heartache but still is capable of trust and more love than i have ever seen. all i can hope for is that one day i will be half the woman and mother that she is. 

-wela/welo, for allowing me to live in their home and caring about me emotionally and physically as if i were one of their own grandchildren. they took me in when i really had no where else to go. and their lovely accents make me smile every time i hear them speak.

-his mom's side/dad's side: both have some of the most wonderful people i have ever met, everyone has been so thoughtful and caring, and are always really genuine when they ask how you are doing, very caring people. i am so thankful that i have his entire family in my life. 

-my friends: i started writing a list when i realized that with every name i wrote another memory of them would cross my mind. my face lit up with a huge smile thinking about how lucky i am to have had so many amazing people cross my path. every SINGLE one of my friends has been very special to me, life is a bumpy road and without all the amazing people that have come into my life and helped me steer the car down the road of life i probably would have crashed and burned a long time ago. 

-my health: health is a very important thing to me and always has been. i have been blessed with good health since i was born. i will continue to take care of physical self, and my emotional self. 

-my home: this i thank my mother for, and the rodriguez family and gonzalez family for always giving me a place to live and always taking me in no matter what.

-touch: my blanket across my lap, the keys under my fingers, and my kitties warm fur up against my leg. warm showers after cold nights.

-smell: my mom's cooking, the coffee shop early in the morning, autumn winds

-sound: music playing from the speakers, laughter, my friends voice when they call me and help me smile after a difficult week,  leaves tousling in the wind, and the ocean waves pounding the coast.

-taste: my mother's sweet cooking, fresh espresso, mediterranean cuisine, new foods & drinks

-sight: seeing my brother work on his dreads everyday =), my mom pulling in the driveway after a long day at work, seeing marcel's face after not seeing him forever, watching all the new babies grow into toddlers, children, teenagers.. and all the beauty that earth has to offer. 

i am so thankful for life, and everything that surrounds my world.

life is perfect & i have so many people/things to be thankful for.

thank you.

addiction

i am addicted to the 3rd book [eclipse]

i really want to know what happens to bella.

uggh this book makes me want love like that.

never thought i would be this addicted to a love story.

i wish...

 i could get a little place by the sea in the forest.

& just live happily ever after.

thoughts on my last post

after re-reading my last post, i realized that all of that is way too exact, life would be way too cookie cutter if it followed those exact dates, im looking forward to the future, but i am going to continue to live day to day & continue to be happy, and not worry about when things should happen, cause they will happen the way they are suppose to. life should be lived spontaneously.. makes for more adventures. the only thing i know for sure as of right now is that i am going to continue to work lots so i can get out of debt & buy a plane ticket to mexico for the month of march.  after that im not really sure.. but its more exciting that way =)

in a perfect ashley dream world...

lately i have been doing far too much thinking about the future, which sometimes i really hate doing since i try my best to just live in the moment. but being the planner that i am, its hard not to look forward & set goals for myself. basically i have the next 5 years pretty much figured out for myself (and if things change im fine with that too).

the rest of 2009 & 2010:

-pay off credit card

-pay off laptop

-spend one month in mexico (one week in mexico city, 3 weeks in  michoacan)

-fix up, then sell my car

-spend a week in rome (early summer)

-move to chicago end of july/early august

2011:

-get engaged

-move back to california end of august

-start grad school @ csulb fall 

2012: (fall) get married

2013: (spring) graduate, pregnancy?

liveeee happily ever after =)

i know life is complicated & things are so spontaneous, 

but if i lived in a perfect ashley dream world

this would be exactly how it would happen.

take me back to paris

sometimes i truly dont feel like i belong in the united states,

like there is a whole other place outside this country where i would be more free spiritually. i really did love paris when i visited, but not sure if that is right for me either, i really hope i get to go to rome this summer. and also mexico in march, i want to live in a small town & make art & babies =)

stop dwelling on the future

I took my lucky break and I broke it in two,
Put on my worried shoes, my worried shoes,

Took me so many miles and they never wore out,
My worried shoes, my worried shoes,

Oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, my worried shoes,

I made a mistake that I never forgot,
Tied knots in the laces of my worried shoes,

Every step that I take is another mistake,
I march further and further away in my worried shoes,

Oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, my worried shoes,

My shoes took me down a crooked path,
Away from all welcome mats,
My worried shoes,

I looked all around and saw the sun shining down,
Took off my worried shoes, my worried shoes,

Oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo, oo-o-o-oo o-oo-ooo,
My worried shoes

coffee nerd

i need to learn how to do this, sooo lovely.

id sell my clothes to the state

i want to live here.

chicago makes me happy.

19 days till i get to visit again.

eeeeeek.

"the bull"

the time is now

m+a=<3

miss his face.

love love love

he is sooooo dreamy.

i love edward cullen.

&& new moon!

gonna start reading eclipse tomorrow =)